There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
