Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you win again, gameday.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
