I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
