Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
