mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
