so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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