I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
