I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
