My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
