wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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