Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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