no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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