Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
