She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
