i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize