Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
