Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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