Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
