it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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