Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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