Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
