i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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