trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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