Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
