His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
