i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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