Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
