You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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