i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
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Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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