I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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