How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
