I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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