dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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