Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
