I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
