There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
