Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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