Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
