I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
