ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
