Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
