There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't turn off my feet"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
