That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
