you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
