omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
