Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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