If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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