your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
