Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
