ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
