when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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