It's like God shit irony all over that family
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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