i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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