I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
