the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
