sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize