i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
