We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pants are for mortals
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
