Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
