If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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