oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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