Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
