I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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