She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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