But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
