i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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