If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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