everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
