I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
